Friday, June 15, 2012

down and dirty

Go son! Get down and dirty!
I confess: I let my child crawl on public spaces. Everywhere except restrooms, hospitals and clinics.

I'm sure that the thought of a child crawling on public property would gross out some people, parent or not. But to me that's fine. I'm the type of mom who'd let her child explore as long as he wasn't in any imminent danger, such as being hit by a truck or being eaten by a bear or being electrocuted or drowning or being burned alive. Yes, there's the danger of getting sick but I don't think his risk is any higher than other kids. There are dirt, bacteria, germs and viruses everywhere. They're in the air we breathe.

Some say that exposing kids to a bit of germs strengthens their immune system. I'm not sure if that's accurate, but I'm happy to report that Ziv is in the pink. It could be the exposure to some dirt that's helping him stay healthy but I think Ziv's strong immune system is more likely because of all the outdoor exercise he's getting. I let him play at the park at least once a day for 30 minutes and I tell you, that guy could be crawling a distance equivalent of a kilometer to an adult.

I may be relaxed, but I'm not careless. When Ziv's out there, I follow him around to make sure that he doesn't put anything in his mouth. I also make sure that after he's done playing, I clean his hands with antibacterial wipes and then wash his hands as soon as we get home. It must be working because, we haven't had any incidents of diarrhea or any infection whatsoever. Thank God!


---

This entry came about because of something that happened this morning. 

Two aunties aka old ladies at the park said "dirty" while pointing at Ziv who was happily exploring the world on all fours. I just smiled at them but deep inside I was irritated. To them that single word probably just meant the ground is dirty and I should not let my little child crawl on it. But to me, that seemed like a commentary on my parenting style. It might be a single-word sentence but it made me feel I was just told I'm a bad mother for letting my son crawl around the community park. 

I would understand if the comment came from my mother-in-law. She's supposed to question our parenting decisions. But strangers? I don't know why they'd feel entitled to give their opinions when it comes to the things we let our son do. They may know kids but they don't know OUR kid. 

I know there will be more of this in the future. I just need to toughen up and work on that fake smile.

Monday, June 11, 2012

staycation weekend

We checked in at the Amara Sanctuary Resort in Sentosa over the weekend. It was great to finally get away--even if it's just in Singapore--from all the busy-ness of home. I really loved getting the chance to relax and just be with my husband and son. I didn't have to worry about chores that needed to be done, which was wonderful.

Aside from eating and taking naps, we hung out at the pool. The water wasn't heated though. Since it wasn't severely hot that Saturday, it was quite uncomfortable to get in and stay in. 



Ziv wasn't thrilled at all! His lips turned bluish after a couple of minutes in the pool so we parked our butts on the deck. We were surprised that Ziv tried walking on his own without any prodding from us. 
 

It's amazing to see him bravely put one foot in front of the other and move. I know it takes a lot for him to do that and we're just so proud of him.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

returning to work

                                                 Source: pinterestschunt363.blogspot.com via Leonora on Pinterest


I finally got myself a job!

I'm a bit sad that my days of taking care of Ziv full time are numbered, but I'm actually excited to go back to work. It's an editorial job at a travel media company and I'm going to be an assistant editor at one of the inflight magazines they publish.

I've been interviewed twice for an assistant editor role for the same company, but for a different magazine. First was back in 2010 but I never got called back. The second time was just last April but the editor who was supposed to hire me left. The process got stalled and I wasn't hired. I was so bummed about it and even cried out of frustration. It's just so difficult to not get what you want!

On the last Friday of May, I got an e-mail from the editor of another magazine saying that she needs an assistant editor and she wants to meet me. She said the editorial director, whom I spoke with before, forwarded my resume to her. So the following Monday, I went to their office, we talked, we clicked and voila! I got the job. That Wednesday, the HR manager sent me the contract, I signed and sent it back. After two attempts, I'm finally in! Suh-weet! The editor said, "You were meant to be in *insert magazine title here."


Everything happened at the right time. My ego was close to being crushed and I was getting desperate in my job hunt. Just a few days before I got that exciting e-mail, I was ranting to one of my closest friends, George, about how it's taking so long for me to get a job. She told me everything would eventually work out and shared to me an article written by Bo Sanchez about detours in life. It was comforting to think that perhaps I was in a detour and soon I'd get a break. I just needed to remain faithful and open.

Around the same time, I had an online chat with my friend Dani. She asked how I was and I told her I was getting frustrated in my job search. She asked me if I really wanted to go back to work. My knee-jerk response was "No. Ayoko na. Kailangan lang kasi."

Up to that point, I haven't really given returning to work much thought. I never gave myself time to process that decision. Going back to work once Ziv turned one was always something I knew I needed to do. I never felt I wanted it.

However, during one of my morning walks with Ziv, I realized something. I can't remember the thought process but I came up with the realization that I missed being utilized for something big. I missed being part of a team that worked together to produce something useful. I realized I missed working and being productive! I was surprised because I didn't think I'd feel that way.

I guess I was just afraid. I was afraid of taking on more responsibilities. I was afraid of not having enough time for Ziv. I was afraid of not being a good enough mom. I was afraid to want things for myself. I was afraid of change. Fear just had me in its grip. But I think the moment I realized that I do want to work again, I was released from my fears and I became ready to receive God's blessing. The Universe' wheels turned and I got the break I was waiting for. Might sound too New Age-y but it's true!

---

Only 19 days are left till I start working again. I still get anxious about all the changes that are coming our way. I don't know how we'll cope but I know that we will. By hook or by crook. 

I sometimes feel sad when I think I have to be away from my son, but it helps to think that I'll always be his mom. Working doesn't mean I stop being a mom; I'm just adding a new dimension to my mom-ness. I know being a working mom ain't easy, but it can be done.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

it's hard to be plump...

In the land of the skinny.

I've proven that yet again last Sunday. I went out on my own to shop for work clothes (yes, this momma is rejoining the rat race! more on that later) and after scouring three malls, I went home with just a piece of knitted top and a swimsuit (for our staycation this weekend). 

There are choices here for big girls like me but not as much as the options for slender ladies. I currently wear a size 14/16 and only a couple of boutiques carry that: Marks & Spencer, Dorothy Perkins, New Look and Warehouse. Large at Forever21 can fit me too.

This is why I love to shop in the US! There are plenty of plus size options there. Just take a look at my Pinterest board and you'll see what I mean.

There is no shortage of stylish plus-size clothes--just have to know where to look
Maybe I should just start buying online.

Friday, May 25, 2012

life is one long laundry day

                                                                                                    Source: tradingphrases.com via Valerie on Pinterest


It's laundry day. I was sorting our dirty clothes earlier. As I made piles of whites, lights and darks, I found myself wishing I could sort all my thoughts and feelings like that. Just pile them high on the floor, by color. It would be definitely easier to make sense of all of the intellectual and emotional clutter when you can organize them like that.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Ziv, lately

Ziv turned 14 months old yesterday! He's still not walking but he's got a lot of tricks up his sleeve.


He can now follow simple instructions such as "Help mommy put this in the dryer." He loves to be involved in some (everything?) of the things I do so I let him. It's way easier to make use of his curiosity than to resist and put a damper on it.


Ziv loves the playground. He thoroughly enjoys going up and down the steps, crawling around and climbing the slide. It's quite difficult to keep up with him though so I prefer having ze hubby around when I let him play there.


Crawling on the park is another thing he loves to do. The surface there isn't smooth at all but he doesn't seem to mind. When the bumpiness gets too much for him to handle, he raises  his butt, straightens his knees and uses his feet and hands to go around.


One funny thing he does is hand me the stuff he discovers while crawling around, from a grain of rice to a piece of meat from yesterday's lunch, to fallen twigs and cracked tree barks. I don't know why he does it but I find it so amusing!


Ziv has also learned about the magical powers of the remote control. He knows that when he presses a button, he could make snowflakes appear on the TV, and he knows that when he points the remote on the AC, it will turn on. Amazing how much kids could learn simply by watching.


Things have improved in the food front. Ziv tries everything we offer him--from sweet and sinful ice cream and chocolate chip muffins to uber healthy blueberries, strawberries and dragon fruit. I'm very happy with the way he eats.

We also got him his own table and chair because I want him to be able to walk away when he's full and/or no longer interested to eat. It was difficult but I've learned to trust him when it comes to hunger and fullness. I believe he knows how much food he needs and that he knows when to stop eating. I don't want to override his body's cues just because I feel he hasn't eaten enough or because we have to stick to a schedule.

On the other hand, things aren't going as smoothly as I want to in the snooze department. Ziv's transitioning from two naps to one and it's been a rough couple of weeks. He sleeps really well in the morning but he refuses his afternoon nap with vigor so ends up being very tired in the afternoon. 

The boy even had disrupted sleep a couple of nights ago but I was relieved that he was able to sleep well last night. I guess putting him to bed early helped. He slept ultra early yesterday (6PM) and he woke up for his morning bottle around 5 today. To my surprise, he went back to sleep and got up for the day at the fabulous, sunny hour of 8!!! 

We don't get to sleep in very often in this household so me and ze hubby were so happy. I know that wishing it would happen everyday is shooting for the moon but I do hope the sleeping situation will get better soon!

It's amazing to see Ziv become his own person little by little each day. A child growing up is indeed the best show on earth, and we're extremely lucky to have been blessed with front row seats.
 


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

dear Ziv

Look at the stars, see how they shine for you? 


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Ziv's birthday party: the deets!

More than a month has passed since Ziv celebrated his first birthday and I realized I haven't done a post about it yet! So here goes.

Ziv's lolo daddy took care of the catering and the entire setup so all ze hubby and I only had to handle were the invitations, balloons and cake. I started a Pinterest board a few months back and after collecting inspiration from all over the web, I've decided on an UP-inspired, balloon-themed party. We love the movie and Ziv loves balloons!

Back in January, I asked my Photoshop master brother Miko to draft an invitation design for me. I wanted bunches of balloons in the sky. The initial design he gave me had that but after two or three revisions and several days of thinking, I ended up with this design, which we distributed to our guests:


After that was settled, I picked a cake design. I had these as pegs:


And here was what we had on the party:

Cake by Gem See, same lady who made our wedding cake
The cake was delicious! The top layer was vanilla while the bottom layer was in chocolate. We chose to have boiled icing instead of fondant since it was cheaper. The only problem was the balloons almost fell off during transport because the icing couldn't hold'em!

No party is complete without balloons! I have exchanged e-mails with my high school classmate turned businesswoman Dang regarding balloon decor possibilities. She had lots of great ideas but we just didn't have the budget so I ended up just getting about two dozen helium balloons from her. They were in metallic rainbow colors and were so vibrant!

At first I thought two dozen balloons wouldn't be enough, but on the day itself I was pleasantly surprised that the caterer put a balloon centerpiece, albeit a simple one, on the tables. Had my dad told me there would be centerpieces, I wouldn't have worried!

While scouring Pinterest, I found this and I thought it would be nice to have one for Ziv's party:

Celebrant's faces through the first 12 months
Since we had a balloon theme, I decided to stick Ziv's faces on balloon shapes cut out from felt paper. Here's how my DIY project turned out:


I originally wanted to have gold helium-filled microfoil/mylar balloons to spell Ziv's name but Dang didn't have them. I found a supplier in Singapore but I discovered they were a bit complicated since they had to be heat-sealed. I didn't want to bother myself with such hassle so I just cut out Z, I and V out of carton and wrapped them with gold foil. Turned out okay to me!

I wanted rainbow colors to be prominent during the party so when I found this online, I knew I had to do it:


I bought crepe paper in red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet then cut them out into strips. With the help of my tall hubby, I stuck them onto our garage's arch on the day of the party. Here's how it looked like:

Overall I was satisfied with the look and feel of Ziv's party. I dreamt of having a well branded party, like this, but I am happy with how Ziv's party turned out. It was us--relaxed and festive!

*****

I wanted Ziv to smash a cake when he turned one. It's an American tradition we first heard of when our nephew (ze hubby's sister's son) Jake turned one. I thought it was a fun photo opportunity. However, I didn't want Ziv to do it during the party itself since one, it would be messy and two, I wasn't sure how the guests and Ziv would react to it. So we did it on Ziv's actual birthday.

I just bought a ready-made cake from Gem's, and ordered a bunch of balloons from Dang. I set up the scene at our lawn using a blue blanket as background. I tied the balloons onto an IKEA house shape sorter (UP-inspired kasi) then laid the cake on the ground. We then waited for Ziv to wake up from his nap.

It looked like it was going to rain so when Ziv woke up, we immediately undressed him and put him down on the set. He was confused and didn't understand what was going on. He started to play with the balloons and didn't pay any mind to the cake. In an attempt to get things going, we put his hand on the icing but he wouldn't have any of it! He began to whine and asked to be carried.


I guess we shouldn't have hurried him but it was about to rain! My SIL also mentioned we should've had a rehearsal with a cupcake so Ziv would have known what to do on the day we were taking photos. Oh well. I'm glad I managed to get some cute photos though. Those would be a great way to remember the day he turned one.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

do what you love



After sister left, I was scheduled for two job interviews. Ironic, right? Haha. Good thing ze hubby could work from home so we didn't have to worry about childcare.

One interview I had was with a big media company here. I already took a qualifying exam a few weeks ago and was already scheduled for an interview. A few days before the appointment, HR called me and told me the post is closed and has been offered to someone already. I was disappointed but I let it go. A couple of days later, HR called again, told me there was a "problem" and they wanted to invite me for an interview again. I accepted the invitation and prepared.

Fast forward to the interview proper, I was surprised that the editors seemed to have no idea about my qualifications. They were taking glances at my CV on the spot and then went on to tell me I seemed too junior for the role. Said they were looking for someone with more experience. 

I answered their questions to the best of my ability, even selling my skills to them but it seemed they made up their mind about me. I tried to be polite and mask my dismay but I was thinking what a waste of precious time and resources it was!!! So rude! They're a big and important company here but they should probably take a look at their hiring process. Hiring managers should review CVs first before they call candidates in for an exam or interview.

One good thing that came out of the experience? I realized I don't want to work for them. Maybe it was God's way of leading me to the right path. It could be His way of saying, this isn't for you sweetie.

*****

This job hunt has once again made me think real hard about what kind of job I want. If it would be based solely on my skills, then I'd still probably be in an editorial function. But the right job isn't just about what fits ones skills. If it were, then the search wouldn't be half as hard as it is.

The right job, for me, should sit well in my heart, not just my brain. It should be aligned to my values. It should be meaningful to me and something that I'm truly interested in. I want my job to not just be a means to an end but an end in itself. I want to wake up each morning (or at least most mornings) excited about the work day ahead.

That's the reason I haven't undertaken a resume blitz. I choose the positions I apply to because I want to find a job that would make spending time away from my son and leaving him in someone else's care worthwhile.

Is that too much to ask for?

family times

My sister was here from the 7th to the 15th. I ordered asked her to come over because we needed someone to be around just in case I was called for a job interview. Ze hubby's boss from the US was in Singapore that week as well and it was not possible for him (ze hubby) to work from home and hold the fort in case I had to leave the house.

Lia and Ziv sharing burger and fries
Well, that week passed by without any interview appointments for me, which was alright. My sister, Ziv and I spent a couple of afternoons at the malls, which was fun. But unfortunately, Ziv caught a viral infection midweek. It was good sister was here to help out because ze hubby had a lot of after-office social engagements that time. My sister cooked, washed the dishes, helped me take care of Ziv and put the house back in order at day's end. Having support is wonderful.

My sister's stay here made me think of just going back home for good. I thought how fun it would be if I had family at my beck and call. Sometimes I just feel I'm spread to thinly. If I had family (and our trusty household help) around, chores could be distributed and I could have more time focusing on Ziv and ze hubby and myself.

Aside from that, I think Ziv would benefit from having a close relationship with his uncles, aunts and grandparents. Long distance is just not the same with face-to-face interactions. I know because I have lots of memories of the good times I had with my lola and lolo, aunts, uncles and cousins. I feel kinda sad that Ziv could miss out on those. It would be good for him to know that a lot of people love and care for him. It's not just mommy and daddy.

I don't know how but I'm sure ze hubby and I would make sure Ziv gets to spend time with his extended family.

*****
Ziv napping in the family bed
After several days of colds, fever and rashes, Ziv finally got completely well towards the end of last week. While he was sick, we let him sleep beside us. We all got used to the arrangement that even now that he's okay, he's still sleeping with us. 

Co-sleeping has become the new normal for our family! I thought I wouldn't like it because I might not be able to rest well, but it has been great so far. It's comforting and sweet for all of us. We all wake up happy.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

happy

Source: visually.visually.netdna-cdn.com via KATE on Pinterest

I put my son down for his nap then I immediately go to the kitchen. I wash stuff we used for lunch. I rid Ziv's high chair of food he's failed to put in his mouth then clean it with antibacterial wipes. I sweep the floor then clear off morsels of chicken and couscous from the dining table. I go to the bathroom where Ziv's poop-stained shorts await. I rinse it with water then leave it to soak in water with detergent. Finally, I get to make my coffee.

As I pour the sweet smelling 3-in-1 mix into my mug, I feel a sense of calm come over me and then I realize something: I am happy.

Yes, I get tired. Yes, I complain. But I am happy. All the chores and care giving duties feel chaotic and stressful at times but I love doing them. Aside from giving me a sense of purpose, doing them brings me joy.

You know that feeling that you're right where you're supposed to be and doing what you're supposed to be doing? 

That's how I feel.

My heart is smiling.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

confession


I should remember this

I have a confession to make: I'm an insecure b*tch.

Or at least an insecure b*tch lives inside me. I have once silenced her but since I've started job hunting again, she's come back. And with a vengeance.

Let's call her Tibby.

I don't know where she came from. My parents loved me. I have friends. There's a handful of people who believe in my abilities (and a handful is okay). Having ruled out external sources, I think it's safe to say that she came from my mind. Tibby has sprung from my ego.

I know I do well, sometimes even exceptionally so, and I have been recognized for them. But I guess no matter how much praise you receive, if you don't believe in yourself, nothing anybody says will matter. To you, you are still that little girl, sitting in the corner, never good enough, not worthy of succeeding.

As much as I have my shining, I'm-evolved, I-love-myself moments, I have these dark and harsh and full of self-loathing moments too. Usually these are triggered by instances when I'm compared with others and I feel I have to prove myself better than them.

I guess that's what I don't like about looking for a job--how it makes me feel like I'm not good enough to do something. But I know it's not the job hunting per se, it's me and how I view the process. I understand that companies need to hire who they think fits best to a specific role. It's not their fault I feel this way.

I grapple with her. Tibby. I grapple with her constantly. But I guess grappling is not the right way of dealing with her. Maybe I should embrace her. Accept her. Learn why she's here. Maybe if I love her enough, she'll begin to work with me and we can move on.

I know getting to that place would take a lot of time and a lot of work. In the meantime, I hope I can get Tibby to stop nagging me with negative, action stopping comments and just sit quietly with me for a while.

Friday, March 23, 2012

superproxy wanted

Oh this would be perfect right now
Can someone take over my life even just for a day because I am tired and I want to sleep in and get a massage and lounge at the beach and sleep and get a massage and lounge at the beach?

I love my life but I need a break!

I just put Ziv down for a nap and I'm glad because I can breathe again. My son's been a handful recently. He's so whiny I think he's cutting a tooth again. I can normally take toddler whining in stride but I'm so tired! Everything just seems bigger of a deal than they really are when you're tired.

I just want to stop and do nothing all day but there are tons of things to do! On top of the daily and weekly house chores, there are jobs to be hunted and applications to be sent; weight to be lost, kilometers to walk/run; medical appointments to be made and an article to write. Thinking about these, plus all the fears and worries swirling inside my head, are making my heart race!

I should probably not think and just do them one by one, but man, being zen and Eckhart Tolle-ish is getting more challenging by the second. Besides, sometimes I just feel I need to breakdown and feel my weakness.

I think I should watch a drama or something. A tearjerker. I probably just need a good cry.

Or maybe I should just run and cross one thing off my to-do list.

Or maybe someone can be my (super)proxy for a day? For free?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

all's well that ends well

Ziv finished his course of antibiotic today and I'm super glad he's finally okay. Praise God! 

He fell ill one week ago back in the Philippines. Slept well Tuesday night then woke up early morning (on his birthday!!!) with severe coughing and wheezing. We took him to the pedia immediately and he was diagnosed with asthmatic bronchitis, same condition that plagues me once or twice a year. The doctor, who was a family friend and my and my siblings' pedia, initially prescribed prednisone, salbutamol and ambroxol plus Combivent for the nebulizer. 

Wednesday night was difficult. The salbutamol caused Ziv to be a bit hyperactive so he went to bed later than usual. However, he could barely stay asleep because of the coughing and wheezing. I wasn't able to sleep well too because I was watching him. I was so scared he might suddenly stop breathing.
Happy despite the coughing and wheezing
The coughing and wheezing persisted for three days despite all the medications, so we gave him an antibiotic as advised by the doctor. We started the course last Saturday, the day of Ziv's party. Fortunately, the little boy was such a trooper and was in a good mood for the most part of the celebration. 

We traveled back to Singapore on Sunday and Ziv did well. I'm thankful he never lost his energy. Even when he got sick he was crawling and cruising all over. He was a bit more clingy though but that's alright. I'll take clingy over lethargic anytime.

Despite this falling sick episode, we had a fun time back home. We had a short getaway to Tagaytay City to celebrate my daddy's birthday.

While we were there, we didn't stop by any of the usual tourist spots. We were supposed to check out Palace in the Sky but when we got there, the parking area was already full so we decided to turn back. We were supposed to go back the next morning but got too lazy. Besides, I read reviews that the place is in a bad condition already.

I enjoyed our visit at Nurture Spa Village. It was the perfect place to kick back and relax. We treated daddy to a massage and while he was in spa heaven, we went to the restaurant and filled our tummies. While waiting for our food, we walked around the garden. We found a swing set so we let Ziv play for a while. I imagine it being a really nice place for a wedding. I even told ze hubby that I wanted to have a wedding again just so we could hold it at Nurture Spa Village. Of course I was just joking. 

Enjoying our time at Nurture Spa Village

We spent the night at Twin Pines Suites. It's a former rest house converted to a bed and breakfast. We stayed at the Sugar Pine suite, which fit all six of us plus Ziv's crib. We got good value for our money. The accommodation was basic but we had everything we needed--comfortable beds, a functional bathroom, clean towels and even soap, shampoo and toothpaste. 

Twin Pines Suites
I checked the fancy hotels and B&Bs which have been recently opened in Tagaytay and was shocked by the rates. Places like Theodore's and The Boutique sure are nice but they're expensive! I'm glad I found Twin Pines Suites.

I think I gained lbs in those 24 hours we spent in Tagaytay. We did nothing but eat, eat and eat! On the first day we had lunch at Gerry's Grill, afternoon meryenda at Nurture Spa Village then dinner at Josephine's. The following day, breakfast was at Bag of Beans. We had a reservation at Pamana restaurant but I got tired of all the Filipino food, plus we got up late, so we just cancelled and decided to go back home.

We spent the rest of the week at home in San Pablo. It's always nice to be there and wake up to the sound of roosters crowing, or the dogs barking or my daddy either cooking breakfast or cleaning/tinkering with whatever. I love that I'm able to spend time with my daddy and siblings, and that I don't have to worry about doing the laundry or cooking or cleaning because our trusty house help is there to do 'em all. 

Life is always good at home. But I hope the next time we go back, no one will get sick anymore. Not me, not ze hubby and I certainly hope, not Ziv.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Ziv's birth, according to his dada

Today is Ziv's first birthday. To celebrate it, here is ze hubby's account of the day our son was born.
 
We went to church the Sunday before Kat’s elective C-section. Although we had just started going to that parish, it is one place where I felt secure and comfortable amid our hectic schedule as we await the arrival of our baby.

Our doctor told us that our baby wasn’t gaining much weight inside Kat, so we had to deliver him the very day he became full term. She also said that a pediatrician will be on standby during the delivery, and cautioned us that there may be a need to bring our baby to the NICU.

Talking to our ob-gyne always made me uncomfortable. I know she cared about Kat and our baby but she can’t hide much of her panic over the situation—that is Kat’s preeclampsia and the baby’s failure to gain weight. On the bright side, scheduling the operation on the 37th week means we’ll become parents three weeks earlier than expected! I’m also glad that we are ready for any situation when our baby arrives.

After mass, we had a wonderful lunch at NEX, one of the nearer malls we frequent in the northeast. Despite the worries and excitement of finally meeting our little one soon, our meal was a celebration of a miracle about to happen. We savored that moment with Mama.

Kat’s C-section was scheduled at 7am so we checked in the evening prior. Before leaving our flat, Mama cooked one of her specialty fish dish to fill us up before we spend the night at the hospital.

As I carried our bags down the void deck, I thought, this is it! The next thing we know, we are handing over the admission slip to the nurse at the hospital.

A Pinay nurse received us, and informed us that the single-bedded room we requested wasn’t available. We can choose to upgrade to a bigger room so we can stay for the night or opt for a two-bedded room. If we chose the latter though, I was not allowed to use the other bed and would need to go home so we just went for the upgrade. For our first son, it was all worth it.

The hotel vibe of the room we stayed in made us forget that we were in a hospital. We even checked out the amenities before finally retiring for the night. I also stopped by the nurses’ station to ensure we get yummy food the next day. The nurse on duty told me they will be waking us up at 5am.

I fell asleep while reading the menu of the Subway downstairs.

---

Someone knocked on our door. I checked my watch. It was 5 o’clock in the morning. Our room was facing the road and I can see from the window that it was still pitch dark. I let the nurse in. 

She had all the stuff she needed to prep Kat for the c-section. She instructed Kat to do her business in the toilet and take a shower if she wanted, and left.

After a few minutes the nurse came back to prep Kat. She said she would be shaving her, and would put a catheter in. Ouch!  I dared not to watch as the nurse prepped Kat so I decided to take a shower. I figured I won’t have the chance later. Besides, I wanted to smell nice and clean when I welcome our baby.
All prepped and ready to go!
Once the preparations were done, we went to the hospital floor where the operating theatre is located. I kissed Kat goodbye before they pushed her bed to the OR. I was so worried, even more than Kat, but I just knew everything is going to be alright.

I waited outside the OR. I wondered why they had several restrooms in the waiting area. I later realized they are useful if you are waiting and thinking and worrying at the same time. 

I watched at least five other patients—not necessarily going to give birth—being pushed to the operating theatre just like Kat. That just made me even more anxious. People accompanying them just come and go. I waited.

My thoughts were flying when I saw a tiny bed being pushed out of the swiveling doors from the operating theatre. “Mr. Mateo?” asked the nurse. I acknowledged. The nurse congratulated me, and told me the baby is okay.

Ziv Nathaniel was one of the most beautiful, miraculous life events I have witnessed. His red, big lip was prominent. While tiny and looking fragile, I noticed he was very active. Unwashed, his hair was curly and dark. He had long legs; I know he’s going to be even taller than me!

All my worries seem to have been flushed out, and it was replaced by pure joy and excitement. I was wishing I can savor that moment with Kat. During that time, I have no idea how she was doing, but I knew she was probably still under.

I accompanied Ziv to the nursery. The nurse told me to take as much photos of Ziv as I like. I alternately used my phone and our camera to take Ziv’s photos. I’m not very good at taking photos, so I took shots at all possible angles. I know that if I have taken below-decent photos, Kat’s there to fix them!

As a first time dad, I didn’t know that it is an SOP that the nurse will count the number of body parts of the baby in front of you. It felt odd, but I am glad Ziv has all body parts intact. And he has all essential crevices. No more, no less.

It dawned on me that Ziv was so tiny when the nurse started to fit him diapers. The newborn nappies were just too big for him. Ziv weighed less than two kilos. I just can’t wait for him to start taking milk and grow bigger, just like those bigger babies in the nursery.
See how Ziv's hair was curly shortly after birth and how new born nappies were too big for him?
A baby from the farther side of the room started to cry. Soon, it was an orchestra of babies crying. Of course, Ziv joined the fun and started to cry, too. For a small baby, he had a loud cry. With me taking more than enough photos and the nurse clearing me to go, I left Ziv in the nursery. I wanted to kiss Ziv but felt I might give him some disease or something.

I felt so proud leaving the nursery. I just wanted to share with the world that Ziv Nathaniel was born at 7:57am.

---

I started spreading the good news to my family and friends. I texted Papa that Ziv was born and he’s a grandpa of a Mateo. I probably texted everyone in my phone book that morning. But there was one text that I was really happy receiving—Mama was on her way to the hospital!

Here’s a bit of back story. The night before Kat’s delivery, I needed to talk Mama into going to the hospital on her own. She hesitated as she has never has ridden a taxi on her own--in her entire life. I told her Singapore taxi drivers are way better than cab drivers back home.

I was unable to convince her, but I left her the hospital address and some cash so she could take the taxi on her own. Just in case she changed her mind.

She did!

I welcomed Mama at the hospital lobby. I’m glad I finally got to see family. She expressed how happy she was that Ziv was alright. We are all thankful to God.

We went to the room. Shortly, Kat arrived, all groggy, but she is alright. I am so happy to see her. She calmly asked where our baby was and I told her that the nurses are still cleaning him up. She asked, did he cry out loud? Yes, he did! Now I realized that a loud cry is a healthy cry.

Excited, I told Kat, “our baby has curly hair, just like you!” I always wanted to be curly-haired when I was a kid. Then Ziv finally arrived in our room, all clean. I realized that he has black, shiny, straight hair after all.
First family photo
I loved that moment seeing our baby, with Kat finally beside me.

---

Later, when Ziv was taken back to the nursery, the nurse asked us if we will allow feeding formula milk. I knew Kat wanted to breastfeed exclusively but the nurse told us that Ziv’s blood sugar is getting low, so we decided to feed him formula. I visited the nursery and picked milk. I chose the milk that the nurse claims to be the choice of most Filipino parents.

Kat’s milk hasn’t come in yet on Ziv’s birth date. I can feel the pressure and anxiety from her. I know she wanted to give the best nutrition to our baby, but her body chemistry probably wasn’t in sync yet. Just like Ziv being born healthy, I just know everything will be alright. We just needed to give it some time, and everything will flow well.

I then went to the business office of the hospital to register Ziv’s birth. This is an essential step in Singapore as everyone has an identity number. While I waited, I am just glad that it is so convenient that we can register the birth on site. It will be cheaper if I opted to visit the immigration office, but the convenience is all worth it. Come to think of it, Kat and Ziv needed me more now.

That evening, I brought Mama home then went back to the hospital. There was a thunderstorm that night. It was the perfect weather for sleeping, but Kat and I just couldn’t. We figured both of us were so excited! We asked if we can have Ziv in the room. The nurse brought him in the room. He was peacefully sleeping in his tiny bed. We watched him in awe, it was just magical. That moment was pure bliss, my first night with my very own family.
I love being a dad; YOUR dad, son.

Friday, March 2, 2012

isdatchu mother?

I was cooking at the kitchen this morning when one of Ziv's toys suddenly played music by itself. Ziv was napping and no one else was around. I thought nothing of it and just turned the thing off. This wasn't the first time something like that happened and we usually just attribute it to vibrations caused by the TV.

Thing is, this morning, the TV wasn't turned on.

I easily get spooked (that's why I don't like watching horror films) but today I thought maybe it was mommy, dropping by for a visit. I normally wouldn't think things like that but I've been missing my mom more nowadays.

I've been craving for her presence recently. Not in the ghostly kind of way but her physical presence. I miss having her in my life. I miss our conversations. And I guess now that parenting has become more challenging, with Ziv soon to be a full-fledged toddler, I find myself wishing I could ask her for advice, like what's the best bedtime or how do I get Ziv to eat a bit more. Sometimes I just wish she were here to tell me I'm doing alright. That I'm doing a decent job in raising my son. 
Me and mommy having one of our "wala lang" conversations (Pagudpud, April 2009)
I get reassurance from my husband, but I often wish I could get reassurance from my mother too. Reassurance coming from someone who has done it (mothering) before, and has done it well, will definitely boost my confidence a thousandfold.

There are still days when I wonder why she had to leave us so soon. I sometimes still feel sad that mommy isn't able to be with me on this parenting journey, and I sometimes still wonder what kind of grandma she could've been. I think she could've been wonderful.

And I bet she wouldn't have allowed us to call her "lola."

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

toddling

Just one more week to go before Ziv turns one. Unbelievable! I'm so excited! I've got tons of DIY ideas floating in my head (thanks to Pinterest) and I can't wait till it's time to execute them. I hope they'll turn out nicely. I know it's easier to just hire somebody to do all the decorating but we have a very limited budget so I'd just do the decorating myself. I ordered balloons but that's it.

Home is three days away though. I've yet to do the laundry, prepare everything that needs to be packed and then pack 'em all.

And that's on top of our day-to-day ops, and of taking care of a budding toddler. I've got to watch myself or else stress may get the best of me. 
Look at him!

I've been trying to keep things in order around here but Ziv has become more interested in exploring. Everything within his reach is fair game so we do our best to baby proof. I've covered the unused electrical outlets and raised the power cord extensions so Ziv can't tinker with them. The shoe cabinet, which only has a curtain for a door, is secured with clothespins so Ziv couldn't get to the dirty footwear (but sometimes he manages to remove the pegs). The safety gate is always locked so Ziv can't go to the (hazardous) kitchen, and there's always a fence around the TV set and the cable box to prevent an accident. Just the thought of what could happen horrifies me!

Our books, which I've arranged by color on a coffee table, often end up on the floor. I'm wishing we could install wall shelves so Ziv can't get to them but we're not allowed to drill on the walls. I really have to find a place for them soon.

I used to wish we had more space but I think having a small flat proves to be advantageous now that Ziv is on explorer mode. There's no need to follow him around because I can see him wherever he goes! I remember when my brothers were toddlers, I used to shadow them and it was so tiring. I hated it when mommy asked me to watch over one or both of them because I didn't want to follow them around. I guess I've always been a lounger.

I need to start getting active again though. Really, really, really need to lose weight. 

After this trip, perhaps?

Friday, February 24, 2012

pancake from scratch

This morning, we weren't in a rush so I decided to make pancakes for breakfast. I used to buy those ready mixes until I learned how easy it is to make my own pancake batter. Here's how:
Ingredients
1 cup all purpose flour
1 tablespoon white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup skim milk
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

Directions
1. Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl. In another bowl, beat the egg then add the milk and oil.
2. Combine the dry and wet ingredients. Mix until there are no dry spots.
3. On a hot, lightly greased pan, pour about 1/4 cup batter (or less if you want smaller pancakces). When bubbles start to appear, turn the pancake over then cook the other side for 30 seconds.

We had strawberries in the fridge so I chopped them up and topped our pancakes with them. Of course, with butter and maple syrup too. You can get creative with your toppings. You can put dried blueberries or some chopped almonds or walnuts. You can put whipped cream and chocolate syrup if you prefer.

If you want/need more fiber in your diet, you can cut the all purpose flour in half then add half a cup of whole wheat flour. We tried that too and it's not bad at all. Also, if you want a thicker batter, you can add more flour into the mixture. Just eyeball it. For creamier pancakes, use full cream milk instead of skim. And oh, you can also put in your fruits in the batter so they get incorporated in the pancakes. The possibilities are endless! 

You can make a large batch too and just freeze the pancakes. For a quick breakfast fix, all you have to do is toast or microwave them.

Enjoy!

wonderfully ordinary


It's past two and my boys are napping. I should be too but me time is too exciting to pass up. So instead of dozing off, I Facebook. I catch up on all my Google Reader subscriptions. I blog.

I love me time.

But I love spending time with my boys too. Earlier, we had lunch at the hawker center at the next block. Ze hubby and I had ayam penyet or crushed fried chicken. I shared mine with Ziv and he loved the rice! Ziv loved the rice so much that he grabbed the bowl and rubbed it on his face. That rice is cooked with margarine and chicken stock, I think. Who wouldn't love that?

I know I should set my son off to a healthy start but man, it's challenging! I prepare healthy congees for him but he doesn't seem to like it as much as he likes real food. But he does eat peas and carrots and corn. He loves fruits too.

After that hearty lunch we lingered at the void deck because it was too hot at the flat. I played peek-a-boo with Ziv, while his dada carried him. Peek-a-boo always makes Ziv laugh. And we love Ziv's laugh. It's always genuine.

There was a gentle breeze so I thought it would be nice to sit at the park for a while. Ziv played while ze hubby and I gossiped about neighbors. That's one of our favorite things to do. Gossip. Sometimes we go as far as making up stories about our neighbors. But we keep those stories to ourselves.

Later, we'll stop by the supermarket to get some stuff for Ziv. That kid already has a lot of stuff but every day he seems to need something new! While we're at it, maybe I'll stop by the library to drop off some books.

I live for days like this. So ordinary yet so fulfilling.