weekend highlights

Saturday was mainly spent here at home. We went to market and bought fresh chicken and veggies. I cooked tinola for lunch because I wanted and needed to eat something nutritious. I had a plugged duct.

Again.

This time on my left boob. The first one was on the right breast a few months back. I think that was July.

Anyway, I woke up with tenderness and lumpy engorgement on my left breast last Friday morning. It was painful, but not as painful as the first time I got a plugged duct. I pumped as usual (30 minutes, thrice a day) and it got better but then it would go back. I managed to get through the whole of Friday and even got some sleep despite the discomfort. I worried about it progressing to mastitis though so I planned to stay home and tackle it the whole of Saturday. This duct needed to be unplugged!

I took a hot shower that morning then I applied a hot compress before pumping. I also massaged the area so I could encourage the milk to flow. I pumped and the lumps would get smaller but the plug was still there.

I managed to get a two-hour nap after lunch, which felt really good. It's been a while since I had that. After that, I pumped again.

Then, we left for Thomson Plaza. We had meryenda at Wang Cafe. We had mee rebus, kaya toast with soft boiled eggs, kopi and teh. Afterwards, we shopped for groceries at Fairprice Finest then went home.

Clockwise from top left: kopi, soft-boiled eggs, kaya toast, mee rebus and teh

I wanted to resolve the plugged duct situation before going to bed, because I seriously didn't want it to develop into mastitis. I took a hot shower again, massaged it with a large-toothed comb, applied hot compress before pumping then massaged it while I pumped. It didn't seem to get better this time so I inspected my nipple.

There it was, in it's white, pimply glory. A bleb. I was happy to find that bleb because then I knew what I had to do to unplug the duct.

I took a needle, sterilized it with alcohol and then pricked the damn blister. Thin foremilk oozed out of it immediately and then came comfort. Mission accomplished! I slept well that night.

We woke up to really fine weather on Sunday so I told my boys we'll be having a picnic at the park. I packed peanut butter and mango jellly sandwiches for me and ze hubby, filled a thermos with coffee and brought pear puree for Ziv. We went down and sat at one of the park's benches.

There weren't many people in the park, unlike during weekdays when it's filled with seniors exercising at the elderly workout area or doing tai chi. It was quiet and peaceful; perfect for an impromptu family picnic.

Then right after Ziv's morning nap, we made our way to Orchard to search for the perfect workout bra for moi. I needed a new one which will fit my lactating boobies. But before embarking on what turned out to be an epic quest, we filled our tummies at Food Republic, Wisma Atria. We had Korean food and dim sum! We then hung out at Starbucks since ze hubby wanted to use the voucher for free Christmas coffee.

Clockwise from top left: Chapchae and Kimbap (Korean sushi rolls); Dada and Ziv at Food Republic; yummy dimsum; chicken briyani; Ziv drinking his Starbucks (nah, it's empty); Dada and Ziv hanging out at Starbucks

After a hearty lunch, we headed to Paragon to check out Marks & Spencer. I thought of getting a workout bra from there since they usually carry big sizes, but turned out they had limited sizes and stock. From that branch, we walked to the Centrepoint branch. I still didn't find my size so I decided to take a look at Triumph at the department store. Still no luck.

I wanted to give up and just eat ice cream but ze hubby said we should check out Stadium at 313@Somerset. There I tried bras from adidas, Nike and Reebok. Fortunately, an adidas bra fit me so we purchased it right away. To celebrate, we headed to the food court to grab meryenda. We ended up eating chicken briyani!

After all that food trip, breaking in the workout bra is a must!

bonding with ze hubby

Last night, ze hubby and I caught the latter part of this B movie called Sharktopus. We had a good laugh over the silly plot, the hilarious-looking monster which had a shark for a body and eight tentacles and the comical way of killing it, which involved sticking an explosive device on the sharktopus and needing an access code to trigger it remotely. Lambasting this tacky movie was a good way to bond. Haha.

Compared with our pre-baby years, it's more challenging to find make time for each other. Back then,  we could easily go out, nowadays, movie night means randomly catching a movie (nice or not) on TV and date nights mean dinner at the kitchen. Since my mother-in-law left, we've only been on a real date once, when our good friend Nell volunteered to watch her godson. That was on our anniversary, when we had a lovely dinner at The Canopy at nearby Bishan Park.

I never realized nor even thought of how much impact having a baby has on a marriage until Ziv arrived. A baby just takes so much of our time and energy, leaving us with less to spend on ourselves and our relationship. When you're both exhausted and feel like you've got nothing left to give, it's easy to overlook each other and take each other for granted. Now I can see how a child, which can be a source of immense joy, can also place a strain on a marriage. 

Especially if you don't pay attention. 

Or choose not to.

During the first few months with Ziv, as I grew into the mother I always wanted to be, I almost stopped being a wife. I was always tired and not in the best mood so I preferred sleeping than doing anything else when I'm not taking care of Ziv or pumping. I felt depleted and was going into a shell. I slowly felt I was losing that connection with ze hubby. Sure we got along well. We loved each other. A lot. But I felt I was slowly growing farther and farther from him. We were talking less and if we did talk we talked about Ziv or whatever's happening at work. We rarely spent time together to just be.

I didn't say anything to ze hubby at that time because I knew he was tired as I was. Now I know I should've said something. Good thing I caught myself.

I guess it takes a while to process being a parent and it certainly takes time to integrate that part of you with other parts of yourself. And since it seems that a baby's needs are more immediate and more important, you attend to those first. But I think mom and dad's needs are just as important. After all one of the best things we can give Ziv is the stability that comes from a solid relationship.

I now know I we both have to exert a conscious effort to keep the flame burning. And I don't mean staging grand declarations of love and undying devotion. It may just be asking how the day went and offering a listening ear. Or a hug or kiss out of nowhere. Or an "I love you" blurted out of thin air. Or maybe just staying up a bit later than usual to share some laughs over a B movie.

On our wedding day, three years ago

Yes. We are worth it.

on going back to work

Source: mth2011.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

Last night, ze hubby told me he heard of a good job opportunity. It was an opportunity that fit me well, and aside from that, the benefits the company listed in their job ad were outstanding: high salary, 18 days vacation leave, performance bonus, casual environment. He told me I should apply.

My knee-jerk response was "Ayoko, kawawa naman si Ziv. Baby pa." Just the thought of going back to work and having to leave Ziv to a caregiver made me sad. I haven't even sent a resume and I miss my son already. I imagined all the milestones I won't see and the moments I won't be able to share with him.

But then I thought, aside from being Ziv's mom, I'm a wife. Ze hubby's life partner. Partner, not parasite. As much as I have responsibilities toward Ziv, I have duties to fulfill as my husband's wife too. We could really use a bit of extra cash right now. Okay, lots of extra cash. I'll admit, we're just making ends meet (and sometimes, barely) and ze hubby could use some help in the financial department.

I was torn. 

I told ze hubby, "Ganito pala ang feeling ng nanay." 

I wished I could split myself in two so one half of me can take care of Ziv while the other works. 

At the same time.

I remembered my sister-in-law, who shared in her blog how she cried when she had to go back to work after her maternity leave. I thought of all my mom friends who work and have to leave their kids to yayas or lolas. I thought of my own mom, who worked when all of us were kids. I already have a tremendous amount of respect for working moms, but after yesterday, I respect them even more.

Obviously, I love staying at home and taking care of Ziv every single day. I've never done anything else that I've loved as much as I love being a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I couldn't care less about having a career. I never had that drive or motivation to be a high flyer. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Haha.

Or maybe I haven't found the job yet. Perhaps another reason I'm not in a hurry to find a job and go back to work is I don't want to am not yet ready to face all the drama involved in figuring out what to do with my professional life. I've been there and done it a couple of times already. Still haven't found the job-that-I-love-so-much-it-won't-feel-like-a-job job.

But then thoughts of all the bills that had to be paid, the home we can buy in the future (hello four-room flat!), and also the adventures we can take (Orlando! Paris! Rome!) if we're a two-income household made me reconsider ze hubby's proposal. I sent my resume. Bahala na si Batman after that.

I'll figure things out another day. For now, I'll be a full-time mom.

diptych #5

My little boy is more aware of the camera (heck, make that everything!) nowadays. I wanted to take a photo of him while he was playing on our bed and he kept on creeping towards me, wanting to grab my camera. The bolster is my attempt at keeping him stay in one place but as you can see, it doesn't do anything. Ziv just went over it like his life depended on it. See that grin on his face? It's his way of saying "Nice try mommy."

weekend highlights

The past weekend was about getting shots, lots of food and zombies.

On Saturday I went to see my gyne so I could have my last shot of HepB and Gardasil. I left Ziv and ze hubby home because I didn't want to disrupt Ziv's napping schedule. Besides, I wanted to spend some time on my own, to take a breather, if you will.

So. At the gyne. As usual, my appointment was at 9-10am, but I was called in at around 11:30. Before giving me my shots, Dr. Ang gave me copies of my medical reports. One was for the pap smear, which was negative for any "intraepithelial lesion or malignancy." Even before mommy passed away of cervical cancer, I made it a point to get a pap smear annually. One can never be too careful when it comes to health.

The other paper my doctor handed me was a histopathology report. She told me she removed a cyst from my left fallopian tube when she performed the C-section. I was taken aback by this information, even thought she's reading someone else's report because she failed to mention this to me when I was still in the hospital and neither did she say anything in the two instances that I went back to her clinic. *Rolls eyes* But I was relieved when she told me the cyst was benign. That's what matters.

She then gave me a sermon about my weight. She said I should be losing weight, not gaining. According to her records, I gained 4kg since I gave birth to Ziv. Well, I've been eating like a breastfeeding mother so I'm not surprised. Haha. The doctor told me to cut my carbs. " I know you Filipinos eat rice for breakfast," she said. I told her yeah that's true but sometimes we eat wholemeal bread and oatmeal too!

Then I get my shots. Dr. Ang told me to give her my left arm. So I did. She nonchalantly poked me with the syringe, then I feel the viscous liquid penetrate my flesh. Ouch. It was painful! I don't know why but she got the idea to check my blood pressure.

She said, "Your blood pressure is still high you know." I thought, "I just got a shot lady. I think my BP's supposed to be high (due to the pain)" but I just told her I periodically check my BP at home and it's always normal. Optimal actually. She doesn't seem to believe me. She told me I had to go back to the waiting room because her nurse was still getting the Gardasil shot.

One patient later, I went back in. I get my Gardasil shot, also on my left arm. It burned when it went in. And it hurt for a while. But I was happy it was all over. Once I get out of this clinic, I don't have to go back. Ever. I'm done with overpriced expensive medical care.

From the clinic, I went to Wisma Atria at Orchard Road so I can have my lunch. I went up to the Food Republic and ate Korean chicken barbecue. It's one of my most favorite meals to eat in Singapore! I was tempted to order a serving of chapchae but I held back. That would be too much food for one person who needs to cut carbs.

Korean chicken barbecue for lunch, and Starbucks for dessert!

After lunch, I went to Starbucks. Ze hubby told me to treat myself and this was it. I ordered a tall caramel macchiato and a blueberry muffin. I drink coffee everyday but to drink it leisurely, with a muffin and while reading a book? That's a luxury. I lingered there for a while, and relished my time alone until it was time to go home. And I was happy to get back to my boys. I missed them! 

They were both napping when I arrived. I was so glad they were both okay. Ze hubby managed succeeded in taking care of Ziv on his own, and Ziv was a happy baby. No one was hurt! Haha. That afternoon, we walked a couple of blocks down to have dimsum for meryenda then stopped by the grocery store to buy some cook-ables. I cooked pork bistek and pinakbet for dinner while dada ended Daddy Care Day by giving Ziv a bath, reading to him, feeding him and putting him to bed.

Ze hubby giving Ziv a bath

The following day, we were too lazy to get our asses out so we stayed in. Ze hubby and I had a The Walking Dead marathon, all of season one and episode one of season two. I'm duwag so when I saw the promo for the series, I knew I wouldn't want to watch it. But ze hubby's interest piqued my curiosity. So when he said he downloaded all of season one, I decided to watch. The show's really well made. I was impressed with the cinematography and I found the writing solid. The acting is good too.  

Ziv eating his puffs; glutinous rice balls and yam paste; black carrot cake; soya milk

 After finishing five episodes, we decided to take a walk and have meryenda at the nearby market. We had glutinous rice balls and yam paste first, but since parang bitin we had black carrot cake. This carrot cake is not a cake and doesn't have carrot. It is actually made of steamed radish and flour batter, and is stir-fried in dark sweet sauce. We knocked them down with cold soya milk. Yum! All this while Ziv snacked on Gerber Graduates Puffs. He loves those!

And that's how we spent our weekend. :)