bonding with ze hubby

Last night, ze hubby and I caught the latter part of this B movie called Sharktopus. We had a good laugh over the silly plot, the hilarious-looking monster which had a shark for a body and eight tentacles and the comical way of killing it, which involved sticking an explosive device on the sharktopus and needing an access code to trigger it remotely. Lambasting this tacky movie was a good way to bond. Haha.

Compared with our pre-baby years, it's more challenging to find make time for each other. Back then,  we could easily go out, nowadays, movie night means randomly catching a movie (nice or not) on TV and date nights mean dinner at the kitchen. Since my mother-in-law left, we've only been on a real date once, when our good friend Nell volunteered to watch her godson. That was on our anniversary, when we had a lovely dinner at The Canopy at nearby Bishan Park.

I never realized nor even thought of how much impact having a baby has on a marriage until Ziv arrived. A baby just takes so much of our time and energy, leaving us with less to spend on ourselves and our relationship. When you're both exhausted and feel like you've got nothing left to give, it's easy to overlook each other and take each other for granted. Now I can see how a child, which can be a source of immense joy, can also place a strain on a marriage. 

Especially if you don't pay attention. 

Or choose not to.

During the first few months with Ziv, as I grew into the mother I always wanted to be, I almost stopped being a wife. I was always tired and not in the best mood so I preferred sleeping than doing anything else when I'm not taking care of Ziv or pumping. I felt depleted and was going into a shell. I slowly felt I was losing that connection with ze hubby. Sure we got along well. We loved each other. A lot. But I felt I was slowly growing farther and farther from him. We were talking less and if we did talk we talked about Ziv or whatever's happening at work. We rarely spent time together to just be.

I didn't say anything to ze hubby at that time because I knew he was tired as I was. Now I know I should've said something. Good thing I caught myself.

I guess it takes a while to process being a parent and it certainly takes time to integrate that part of you with other parts of yourself. And since it seems that a baby's needs are more immediate and more important, you attend to those first. But I think mom and dad's needs are just as important. After all one of the best things we can give Ziv is the stability that comes from a solid relationship.

I now know I we both have to exert a conscious effort to keep the flame burning. And I don't mean staging grand declarations of love and undying devotion. It may just be asking how the day went and offering a listening ear. Or a hug or kiss out of nowhere. Or an "I love you" blurted out of thin air. Or maybe just staying up a bit later than usual to share some laughs over a B movie.

On our wedding day, three years ago

Yes. We are worth it.