returning to work

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I finally got myself a job!

I'm a bit sad that my days of taking care of Ziv full time are numbered, but I'm actually excited to go back to work. It's an editorial job at a travel media company and I'm going to be an assistant editor at one of the inflight magazines they publish.

I've been interviewed twice for an assistant editor role for the same company, but for a different magazine. First was back in 2010 but I never got called back. The second time was just last April but the editor who was supposed to hire me left. The process got stalled and I wasn't hired. I was so bummed about it and even cried out of frustration. It's just so difficult to not get what you want!

On the last Friday of May, I got an e-mail from the editor of another magazine saying that she needs an assistant editor and she wants to meet me. She said the editorial director, whom I spoke with before, forwarded my resume to her. So the following Monday, I went to their office, we talked, we clicked and voila! I got the job. That Wednesday, the HR manager sent me the contract, I signed and sent it back. After two attempts, I'm finally in! Suh-weet! The editor said, "You were meant to be in *insert magazine title here."

Everything happened at the right time. My ego was close to being crushed and I was getting desperate in my job hunt. Just a few days before I got that exciting e-mail, I was ranting to one of my closest friends, George, about how it's taking so long for me to get a job. She told me everything would eventually work out and shared to me an article written by Bo Sanchez about detours in life. It was comforting to think that perhaps I was in a detour and soon I'd get a break. I just needed to remain faithful and open.

Around the same time, I had an online chat with my friend Dani. She asked how I was and I told her I was getting frustrated in my job search. She asked me if I really wanted to go back to work. My knee-jerk response was "No. Ayoko na. Kailangan lang kasi."

Up to that point, I haven't really given returning to work much thought. I never gave myself time to process that decision. Going back to work once Ziv turned one was always something I knew I needed to do. I never felt I wanted it.

However, during one of my morning walks with Ziv, I realized something. I can't remember the thought process but I came up with the realization that I missed being utilized for something big. I missed being part of a team that worked together to produce something useful. I realized I missed working and being productive! I was surprised because I didn't think I'd feel that way.

I guess I was just afraid. I was afraid of taking on more responsibilities. I was afraid of not having enough time for Ziv. I was afraid of not being a good enough mom. I was afraid to want things for myself. I was afraid of change. Fear just had me in its grip. But I think the moment I realized that I do want to work again, I was released from my fears and I became ready to receive God's blessing. The Universe' wheels turned and I got the break I was waiting for. Might sound too New Age-y but it's true!

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Only 19 days are left till I start working again. I still get anxious about all the changes that are coming our way. I don't know how we'll cope but I know that we will. By hook or by crook. 

I sometimes feel sad when I think I have to be away from my son, but it helps to think that I'll always be his mom. Working doesn't mean I stop being a mom; I'm just adding a new dimension to my mom-ness. I know being a working mom ain't easy, but it can be done.