Last night, ze hubby told me he heard of a good job opportunity. It was an opportunity that fit me well, and aside from that, the benefits the company listed in their job ad were outstanding: high salary, 18 days vacation leave, performance bonus, casual environment. He told me I should apply.
My knee-jerk response was "Ayoko, kawawa naman si Ziv. Baby pa." Just the thought of going back to work and having to leave Ziv to a caregiver made me sad. I haven't even sent a resume and I miss my son already. I imagined all the milestones I won't see and the moments I won't be able to share with him.
But then I thought, aside from being Ziv's mom, I'm a wife. Ze hubby's
life partner. Partner, not parasite. As much as I have responsibilities toward Ziv, I have
duties to fulfill as my husband's wife too. We could really use a bit of
extra cash right now. Okay, lots of extra cash. I'll admit, we're just
making ends meet (and sometimes, barely) and ze hubby could use some
help in the
financial department.
I was torn.
I told ze hubby, "Ganito pala ang feeling ng nanay."
I wished I could split myself in two so one half of me can take care of Ziv while the other works.
At the same time.
I remembered my sister-in-law, who shared in her blog how she cried when
she had to go back to work after her maternity leave. I thought of all
my mom friends who work and have to leave their kids to yayas or lolas. I thought of my own mom, who
worked when all of us were kids. I already have a tremendous amount of
respect for working moms, but after yesterday, I respect them even
more.
Obviously, I love staying at home and taking care of Ziv every single day. I've
never done anything else that I've loved as much as I love being a
stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I couldn't care less about having a career. I
never had that drive or motivation to be a high flyer. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Haha.
Or maybe I haven't found the job yet. Perhaps another reason I'm not in a hurry to find a job and go back to work is I don't want to am not yet ready to face all the drama involved in figuring out what to do with my professional life. I've been there and done it a couple of times already. Still haven't found the job-that-I-love-so-much-it-won't-feel-like-a-job job.
But then thoughts of all the bills that had to be paid,
the home we can buy in the future (hello four-room flat!), and also the adventures we can
take (Orlando! Paris! Rome!) if we're a two-income household made me reconsider ze hubby's proposal. I sent my resume. Bahala na si Batman after that.
I'll figure things out another day. For now, I'll be a full-time mom.
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