pumpin' pumpin'

August 1 to 7 is World Breastfeeding Week. Please spread the word: breast milk is best for babies.

I would've breastfed if I could, but since I couldn't and didn't, I pumped, which I think is the next best thing. Here is my story.

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I am attached to my pump. Literally.

I've been pumping milk for Ziv for four months now and I've gotten used to balancing the bottles on my thighs so I can type with both hands. Sometimes, I hold a book instead. Pumping was far from my mind when I was still pregnant. I didn't even put "breast pump" in my things-to-buy-before-baby-arrives list. My mind was just set on breastfeeding Ziv. But that, like many other things I wanted to do when I give birth, didn't go as planned.

The first time they brought Ziv to our room, I tried to latch him on my boobs. The poor guy couldn't do it because one, he could barely stay awake, and two, his mouth was way tiny. If you've read this, then you'd know by now that although Ziv was born full term, he was almost a preemie in size.

After our first attempt at breastfeeding. We failed but I was happy I got Ziv in my arms. :)

I didn't feel bad at our failed first attempt at breastfeeding because after reading a bunch of resource materials on the topic, I knew that although it's natural, breastfeeding was a learned skill. It required practice. However, since his blood sugar was going down, we had to feed Ziv formula as the doctor recommended. The nurses did it using a syringe to avoid nipple confusion. I was glad they didn’t give him a bottle because I was hopeful Ziv will be able to latch on.

During our three-day stay at the hospital, I made it a point to put Ziv on my breast so he can try latching on. We tried again and again and again but we weren't getting anywhere close to a decent latch. 

We consulted a lactation specialist but unfortunately, she wasn't very helpful. Each time she went in our room, she just yammered on about random topics. I didn't understand half of what she was saying. The only useful pointer I got from her was to massage my breasts, which at that time were already so engorged. She didn't even tell me to use the pump to establish my supply or to hand express my colostrum so I can feed it to Ziv.

The nurses were helpful though. They suggested I use nipple shields. Since it sort of extended my nipple, Ziv might be able to take it into his mouth. I tried using it a couple of times and it did help Ziv latch on, but I don’t think Ziv got much milk since he was only sucking my nipple and not my areola.

When we went home, I continued using the shields but since I wasn't sure if Ziv was getting enough milk, we continued supplementing with formula. I was hopeful Ziv would learn to latch on properly and feed efficiently, but I needed a pump to get my supply going. 

Reden bought me a Medela Mini Electric Pump because I thought that would be good enough. I didn't even bother doing some research before allowing him to make that purchase. I used the pump anyway and was able to yield 10 to 20ml each session. We fed all of it to Ziv then topped up with formula. 

We went to see Ziv's pedia on the fifth day after he was born and he asked if Ziv was breastfeeding. I told the doctor that Ziv was having difficulty latching on. Our pedia was pro-breastfeeding so he referred us to a lactation specialist for a consult. I prayed hard that it would be a different specialist, not the one assigned to us during our hospital stay.

Fortunately, it was a different lactation consultant. She checked me first before trying to make Ziv latch on. She massaged my breasts vigorously to get the milk to flow freely and then compressed them to get the milk out. It was so painful my toes curled! But I knew I had to do it so I can increase my milk supply. Once she was done massaging my breasts, she let Ziv latch on. Since my breasts weren't engorged anymore, he might be able to do it. Unfortunately, Ziv could only take my nipple in his mouth and after three sucks, he would fall asleep! We ended up using the nipple shields again.

It was difficult trying to teach Ziv to latch on because he was always very sleepy. And when he was hungry, he'd be in such a bad mood if I tried putting him on my breast. The situation was so stressful and didn’t help that my hormones were all over the place. I felt really sad because it seemed to me that my failure to breastfeed made me an inadequate mother. 

After a few days, once my closest friends, mothers and non-mothers alike have knocked some sense into my head, and maybe once my hormones settled, I was able to come to terms with our failed attempts at breastfeeding. I realized that Ziv needed me more than he needed to be breastfed. Having a sane, caring, present mother would benefit him more than breast milk or feeding at the breast. 

However, I believed that breast milk is best for babies so I made a commitment to pump for at least six months. I will then re-evaluate the situation once I reach that initial goal.

I knew that if I were to be successful in pumping my milk for the long term, I needed to do my homework. So I scoured the Internet and was relieved to have found helpful information from forums and websites dedicated to moms who need/choose to pump exclusively. It was also comforting to know that I wasn’t alone. There were a lot of mothers who’ve gone through what I am going through. Reading about women who were able to successfully pump for up to a year was also reassuring. If they were able to do it, then I had a chance to do it too.

The first two pumps I used, the Avent Isis Manual and Medela Mini Electric

One factor that may determine my success at pumping was the equipment I used. I only used the Medela Mini Electric for a few days because it hurt! I didn't have the correct flange size, and, since the suction wasn't strong enough, it couldn't empty my breasts efficiently to relieve the engorgement. I then tried using the Avent Isis Manual Breast Pump, which a friend lent to me. It was more comfortable and I was able to increase my output with it. The Isis Manual was the pump that helped me establish my supply during the first month. However, in April, when it was clear I needed a more efficient, daily-use double pump, I decided to invest in a Medela Pump In Style Advanced. 

I tried to follow the recommended pumping schedule, which was to pump for at least 20 minutes every two to three hours. It was challenging to adhere to it because I needed to take care of Ziv and sometimes I was so tired I just wanted to rest. Needing to pump also meant I couldn’t sleep when Ziv slept. I managed to keep going thanks to my mother-in-law and husband, who helped with the baby-caring duties. I also keep in mind the reason I was doing this, which was the health benefits of feeding breast milk to Ziv.

Since my mother-in-law left, it has become more difficult to get in the required pumps per day. From six to seven times a day, I only manage to pump four times. I was worried that it may affect my output, but thankfully, I’m still able to pump more than Ziv needs. I also dropped the middle of the night pump since Ziv has begun sleeping through the night. That means more rest for me!

I thank God that my efforts have paid off. At first, long term pumping seemed impossible, but here I am at month four (going five). My average daily output is at 700ml or around 24oz. I also have a freezer stash, which I have yet to rotate. I am thankful I was able to donate my May and June stock to another new mom, who like me, is also having latch-on problems. 

Although we still have a can of formula, for weekend outings and just in case I suddenly have problems with my supply or if I get sick, we don’t need to top up Ziv’s feedings. I pump more than enough for him and I hope it continues to be this way until I reach my goal. Then we’ll see if I go on to month seven or eight or maybe even 12.

Not being able to breastfeed was disappointing but pumping milk for Ziv empowered me and made me feel more capable as a mother. Now Ziv not only gets the mother he needs, but the best nourishment too.

Clockwise from top left: My Medela Pump in Style Advanced; bottles with breast milk; my freezer stash; freshly pumped milk; bags of breast milk ready to go in the fridge

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Breastfeeding and pumping resources:
iVillage Exclusively Pumping Forum
Exclusively Pumping
Exclusively Pumping Breast Milk: A Guide to Providing Expressed Breast Milk for Your Baby by Stephanie Casemore
Kellymom
Low Milk Supply

Special thanks to my dear friend, George, who encouraged me and provided me with lots of information about breast milk. <3