how ah?

Just came from an interview for a job I'm not 100 percent sure I like. I didn't apply for this one. An agency called me up and I said heck, there's nothing wrong in trying. But as I learned more about the job and the company, I realize it's not for me.

Searched for jobs and managed to send out one application. I've already sent out three or four to marketing agencies but so far, no one has called. It's alright. I've done this before. I know the drill.

Then I checked out LinkedIn and browsed through my contacts. Clicked two people I think are successful in their careers (both are editors for reputable publishing companies). I start to wonder what makes them different from me. They're smart but unlike me, didn't graduate with honors from the state university. Yet why are they where they are and I'm a housewife? What is it they've got/done or they're doing that have made them "successful" in their careers?

Is it because I don't want a successful career in the first place? Because to be honest, I'm enjoying being a housewife. Cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping - all that. I guess if we can afford it to remain this way, it would. I don't care about titles. But I think what I wish I had is satisfaction in doing the thing I'm paid to do, whether it's writing or editing or whatever, which brings me to another thing I wish I had: clarity in what I really want and would love to do.

I'm lost.

I'm such a mess by the world's standards. 

I miss mom.