I was complaining, but had an epiphany

Last night, B and I had one of those why-are-we-in-Singapore conversations. These conversations pop up once in a while, and when that happens it means we haven't been home for a while. When we get a dose of Philippine reality, we start feeling okay again, preferring the the sterility of this country over the chaos and political bickering back home.

These conversations pop up, too, when we see friends in Canada or Australia being able to buy their own homes, raise kids and take care of pets. Here, even if we have the money, we always need to think twice about things like that.

We can't buy brand new, inexpensive government-built flats here even if we're permanent residents. Only citizens have that privilege. If we want our own flat, we can only buy second-hand units in HDB (Singapore's Housing Development Board) buildings or units in free-hold condominiums (which we can't afford).

It's expensive to have kids here. Medical services are sky-high. Baby stuff, like toiletries, are also expensive. If we hire a yaya, aside from the monthly salary, we need to pay a monthly levy to the government. Isa pa, for me, mas maganda pa din mag-aral sa atin. Ayoko din maacquire ng mga anak ko ang Singlish. Aiyo! Pagkapanget ng wikang yan.

In fairness to Singapore, meron din namang perks ang pagstay dito. Una, it's safe. Here, you don't have to worry about being mugged or held up. The crime rate here is so low you can barely see policemen patrolling the streets. At least you get to take that off your mind na. Hindi mo kailangan maging praning.

Pangalawa, it's a great place to work. Madali ka talaga makakaipon kasi the basics are inexpensive relative to your salary. A meal here can cost as low as $3. So if you're earning $1,800 (minimum for foreign professionals), that's only 0.16%. Sa Pinas, if a meal costs P40 and you're earning P15,000, that's 0.26%. Malayo talaga ang mararating ng pera dito. Kahit mahal ang rent, you would still have enough to save for trips or luxuries.

Pero the pace here is exahusting. Sometimes I feel I'm a rock on the river, constantly trying to not be washed away by the flow.

Wait! I just had an aha moment!

I still feel that resistance towards being here! I can't let go of that resistance because I'm afraid that if I do, I might lose a part of me, that Filipino part of me to be exact. Siguro that's why we get tired. We keep on resisting and we keep on thinking of the future! Aha!

I've been reading A New Earth and it's about accepting the present moment. According to Eckhart Tolle, stress comes from an inner resistance to the now. Siguro kaya nga ako nasestress. I keep saying NO to Singapore. Sana when I finish the book, I'll learn to let go and just accept the NOW. I know I've already said I've accepted that we're going to be here for a while, but I guess I have only accepted it on an intellectual level. My brain's not going to help. I have to accept it from the core of my being.

Hahaha. Nakakatawa how this piece evolved. Dapat magrarant ako eh pero naalala ko ang mga natutunan ko sa classes ni Oprah at Eckhart Tolle. So ayan, ok na ulit ako.