I took up journalism in college because I knew I liked writing. What I didn't know was that journalism isn't just about writing. It involved a whole lot of other stuff that took the fun out of, er, writing.
When you take up journalism, people usually think you want to become a reporter. I thought that too. But when internship began, that's when I realized that it wasn't my kind of thing. What's ironic about it was that my education was paid for (in full) by a major broadsheet.
As a scholar, we were required to work for the newspaper if they "summoned" us. Since I didn't want to do anything with newswriting, I prayed so hard that the company won't call me or else it's either I work for them or pay them back. Good thing they didn't call. I was so relieved.
I feel journalism's too big for me. I don't think I can handle the pressure of delivering information that can change people's perceptions, affect their choices and decisions. That requires a huge amount of responsibility and I'm not sure if I can handle it.
I'm also too selfish for this type of work. Journalism requires devotion. It's a vocation. It's like being a doctor: You're on call all the time, even until the wee hours of the morning or on holidays and weekends. You must be really committed to the job if you're willing to give up days you're supposed to spend with family and friends.
Aside from that, I really do not want to be exposed to homicide and rape cases, robberies, corruption in government agencies, etc. I don't want to be jaded. I still want to believe there's hope for this country and I think seeing people killed or violated some way every single day of your working life is just too emotionally draining. The physical exhaustion I can take. At least naipapahinga yun.
I'm afraid that being exposed too much to the harsh realities of living in the Philippines might turn me into a hard, numb person. I worry that I will just stop feeling things and begin seeing them merely as a news item.
But someone's gotta do it and I respect all the good, responsible, true-blue journalists. I admire my friends who have chosen to do something that's almost larger than life. Astig kayo!
As for me, I'll be content doing what I do, which is a writing and editing for a trade magazine.
For now.
2 comments:
ay true ka diyan katzee. ako din ganyan ang feeling sa journ. kaya minsan yung boss ko me mga pinapagawa saking mga ma-effort na project tapos ang pampagana niya sa akin ay "so you can feel like a journalist again," gusto ko siyang sagutin na "Hello po, ComArts grad po ako with emphasis on creative writing, never kong pinangarap maging reporter 'no." as in mas gugustuhin ko pang magsulat ng kuning-kuning na 'poetry'.
The first time I realized I didn't want to be a reporter was when I had to spend time in a local police station and interview a couple of imprisoned suspects.
I. Don't. Like.
And yes, did that during brief stint with the major broadsheet that paid for your education.
In fairness, meron akong na-i-publish na story. Yun nga lang, wala akong naitagong copy. Bwahahahaha.
:)
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